Yummy!!

(This is not my photo, or my recipe! Go here for the source.)

I love new recipes! I would love to be a chef actually. All that aside, I found this recipes and it is so yummy!

Whenever spring starts approaching (who are we kidding here with our snow covered ground still) I start craving anything "fresh." Delicious salads, sandwiches, smoothies etc...

This sandwich was so good I made myself a second one last night, ate another one for lunch today, and I think I will have one for an afternoon snack ;)

Panzanella Panini

Panini bun or thick bread

Tomatoes - the small heirloom taste the best

Fresh Basil - MUST be fresh not dried.

Mozzarella - any is fine, but I spent extra and got the real good stuff. Mmm.

Balsamic Vinegar

Light Mayo

Salt/Pepper

So, I started by putting Mayo on one half of the bread, then layer both sides of bread with cheese. Than put tomatoes and Basil on. Drizzle with 1 tsp balsamic vinegar. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Then grill.

Hope you like it, I'm going to go make one more! :)

I miss him!

You know that pain that burrows deep inside your gut and than takes up residence?! That is how I am feeling the last few days. I have tried to ignore it, push it aside or put other things in its place. But it stays there saying, "Hey, I am here and you can't make me leave!"

Tommy left for Texas on friday and I spent the rest of the day with a broken heart and red eyes. Barry kept asking why I was crying AGAIN. I actually started crying on the way to the airport, but turned my face to the window so Tommy wouldn't see. I don't want him to think his leaving will make me that sad. It would be too much pressure for a little boy. He looks forward to going to see his dad and I am okay, if he is happy and okay. A mothers love just runs that deep!

He will be back in a week. I have done this so many times before. He will be back before I know it. I am lucky that he is in my life the majority of the time, I do know that. And I must share. I made my bed, now I must lay in it.

But our house does not feel the same without him.

I finally remembered

Tommy LOVES to jam and sing to this song (magic - B.O. B.) on his ipod.

It is the cutest thing.

(I think this song makes him feel really cool!)

Here's to you buddy!

We're all jammin now :)

March 24!!

My boy is 9 today!!!

How can you not fall in love with that face???

We love you Tommy!

Guess who had balloons and cake after all???

This does so much for my soul!

It means so much.

Thank you D.

and now... a song for dancing with my kids.

and a little extra from yesterday. Check out these stories!

Grateful

My heart is full today. But, my heart is also heavy.

Today is world Down Syndrome Awareness day. 3/21 because Macy has 3 of her 21st chromosome. I was hoping to throw a party with good friends. I was hoping to have cake and laughter and balloons with messages of Love, Acceptance and Understanding written in them.

But, sometimes life goes in its own direction. We have all been sick, for weeks it seems. So the parties will have to wait for another year.

But I want to take a minute...

For all those babies not given a chance. (and now the tears are coming)

For children that are told, "You are not good enough for our family."

For the gifts given that were not received.

For the fear of the unknown or imperfect.

I want to keep those thoughts very fresh today. So that I appreciate more and love deeper.

But I also want there to be lots of joy today!

Joy for those parents brave enough to face the obstacle and break down the barriers.

Joy for everyone in my life who loves Macy, who has wanted to hold her and enjoy her.

Joy for friends who without know it, have given me backbone!

To one friend in particular... that walked the path before me. She did it with grace and gave me the courage to know that it is a beautiful thing to raise a child with Down Syndrome.

Joy for a Heavenly Father who knew the world needed people with Down Syndrome. They have a spot here too and we can learn so much from them!

Mostly Joy for Macy... this little girl who has been placed in my care. Who the Lord has trusted me with. To love her, unconditionally. To teach her and let her teach me. I am so grateful!

Rockin' this season!

American Idol is delivering this year!!
I love the judges. Steven Tyler is just amazing. Jennifer is obviously gorgeous and has so much more to give to the show that paula ever did. Plus, can't forget "The Dog" Randy.
I love the artists!
I just LOVE it!

I like unique artists that bring something cool and different! I like people who put their heart and soul out there! These people make me smile!



His smile is absolutely darling!



So confident! I love it!



She makes me wish I could sing, even more than usual.



If all of us had the courage to have that much passion...

I also really liek haley but she needs to find her niche.

Who do you like???

A peek into my life...

My blog has taken the bit of a detour lately, but I'd like to get back to the simple things. The things that bring me the greatest joy!

We were all sick today, but didn't waste any time "finding the beauty."
This first song on my playlist always makes me feel great. Reminds me of when Barry and I were dating!

 2 years ago, we were NEVER going to have a dog! Well, I guess things change, because we love our little Zoe. She actually sleeps at the foot of our bed and comes to wake me up when she is ready to go down in the morning.

(I know her hair is too long... but we waiting for warmer weather before we cut it!)

Give Baby! It feels good!

If you have followed my blog, you are well aware of the hard year my daughter Macy has had. I fear this is just the beginning for her. Yes, she is a happy baby and very much loved. But, she has to work so much harder for everything and she is not in the clear with her medical problems yet. So many of her little friends go through similar journeys and it is important to me that these children are given every opportunity for a full and happy life!

We have decided as a family to walk in the Street Meet 2011 sponsoring Ups and Downs (The Calgary Down Syndrome Association.) They are a great organization that does more for their members than any other support group type charity in Calgary. A few of the things they do...

-Wonder Years Conference - for parents to learn how to give their child with Down Syndrome the best chance at life!

-Cooking classes, Dances, Young Adult Conferences, Socials and much more for Teens and Adults with Down Syndrome.

-They offer a huge resource library with learning DVD's, Books, Toys etc. To help our children reach their full potental.

-They offer grants for parents to travel to larger conferences if they don't have the funds.

This is only a small portion of what they give back! They are a great organization and we are hoping to raise $2,500.00 this year to give them. To spondor Macy click here. Thanks Everyone!

Devastation

What do you say when words aren't enough?
What do you say when words diminish feelings?
You don't say anything.
You just be there. You hold a hand. You give a hug. You be a rock... Something to hold on to until the storm calms.
It is killing me that I can't be with my friend right now.
I spoke about her miraculous pregnancy a few posts ago.
I have just found out that there is no longer a heartbeat.
I am devistated
I wish I was there Kira!
I love you!

The things I rarely say...

Some may say I am an extrovert, and I would agree... to an extent. I also think I am very much an introvert. I over think EVERYTHING, sometimes to the point that I do it or say it wrong. I internalize so much and keep most of the negative packed inside. I like being honest and saying what I feel, but I also try and filter most of the negative. But I am human, like all of us!

I get my feelings hurt.
I have bad days.
I do things I regret.
I feel weak my fair share of the time.
I say things I regret.
I get overwhelmed, more than I would like to admit.
I cry.
I loose my cool.
and so on and so on...

Nobody can be strong all the time!

I say these things because
1. Sometimes you have to open yourself up and let the cards fall where they may.
2. It just feels good to empty out the soul from time to time!
3. I read once that the things we write or say are often times the very things we ourselves need to work on!

I am having one of those moments where I've packed so much in that I am bursting and find I have ZERO energy. There are so many factors all coming together to cause this, and I hope to tackle the ones that I can fix.

This weekend couldn't have come at a better time. 2 nights away from reality, with my husband.

You know what I am looking forward to the most??? No, not that. Get your mind out of the gutter ;)

I am looking forward to slowing down my mind, and breathing in the cool mountain air...

We had a scare!!

Yes, one of those moments where your world pauses... everyone holds their breath... and than, before you know it, it's gone again and your left...dizzy and shaking!

Yesterday we decided to go to dinner and a movie as a family. As we stepped into the restaraunt, I noticed that Macy was limp. Like, more limp than normal. She kept passing out. Dead weight, flopping over my shoulder and arms. Her eyes were half closed, so we thought mabe she was asleep (yet she had just been awake in the car). I'd look at her and say, "Macy? Macy?" and she'd give me this half closed eye charming smile... which kind of scared me more in the moment... In my mind I am thinking..."Don't go to the light Macy, stay away from the FREAKING light!!!" I looked at Barry and he looked at me and a million words passed between us that instant! FEAR being the biggest! I'm thinking... maybe there is something wrong with her heart that we didn't know.

For some reason I though, Hmmm, she hates to have her bum changed. So, I decided to change her and see if she came around. If not, we were high tailing it out of there. But, she did. And I was so relieved!!

We still don't know what was going on. But, I was shaken.
I asked Barry, "What would I do if I lost one of my children?"
He said, "You would go on, you would have to."

I kept thinking all night,
"I'd have to go on... but how could I?"
"Who am I without them?"
"What would I do with my time?"
"What kind of life would I have without one of them?"
"How would I ever be able to smile again?"

I cannot imagine the strength it takes for so many to move on... I am awed by you!

I remember a quote by Kelle Hampton that I put on here recently.

"We don't have to be defined by motherhood because there's an intricate infrastructure of talents and dreams and passions that makes us women who are strong enough to stand alone. And yet, ask any mother and she'll probably tell you there's nothing more incredible she'd rather be defined by than the amazingness of her littles and her family."

I see this quote in a whole new light now. Though I believe it is true, I believe that a HUGE part of me IS that I am a Mother. I am strong enough to stand alone, because I know they have my back! I am not defined BY them, but they ARE the majority of the definition of ME!

Melencholy

That would be how I am feeling these days.

-Maybe it is because I am growing on the inside faster than my brain can keep up!

-Maybe it is because about 2 seconds after I walk out the door I am literally turned into a popsicle.

-Or maybe it is just normal, and everyone gets their chance to feel this way.

I still smile and think happy thoughts though, because I really believe that you will go in the direction that you stear your path! And because there is a silver lining on the horizon...

-No matter how my day or life is going, my family can still bring me intense joy beyond words!

-Our church just did some switcheroo's and there is some excitement in the air around forming new friendships and strengthening the current ones.

and last but far from least...

-Eventually - and I use that term loosely - eventually the snow will melt, the thermostat outside will creep back up to above the 0 degree mark and the birds will come home!